COUPLES THERAPY
Finding Your Way Back To Each Other
You love each other, but lately, something feels different. Conversations that once felt easy have become difficult. Small disagreements turn into familiar arguments, or perhaps you've stopped bringing things up altogether. You may find yourselves feeling lonely, misunderstood, or distant, even when you're right beside each other.
Maybe one of you reaches for closeness while the other needs space. The more one partner tries to connect, the more the other pulls away. What begins as a longing to feel loved or understood can quickly become a cycle of frustration, hurt, and disconnection.
You may also be navigating differences in emotional or physical intimacy, rebuilding trust after a difficult experience, or struggling to understand how your individual histories shape the relationship you're creating together. Sometimes the very things we do to protect ourselves can make it harder to reach the person we love.
These patterns rarely emerge out of nowhere. We each bring our own histories, vulnerabilities, and ways of seeking safety and connection into our relationships. The ways we learned to love, protect ourselves, and respond to conflict can shape how we show up with our partners, often without us realizing it.
When we feel hurt or disconnected, it's easy to get caught in who's right, who's wrong, or who needs to change. Beneath the arguments, silence, or defensiveness, there are often softer feelings and longings: to feel important, accepted, understood, desired, or safe with one another.
Couples therapy offers a space to slow down and begin understanding what's happening between you. Rather than focusing on who is to blame, we become curious about the patterns that leave you both feeling stuck and the emotions and needs that may be difficult to express.
You don't need to have all the answers, or even know exactly where things went wrong, to begin. Together, we can make room for more honest conversations, greater emotional safety, and new ways of finding your way toward one another.
What Couples Therapy
Looks Like
Relationships are shaped by more than the words we say to each other. Our emotional histories, attachment experiences, and ways of responding to stress all influence how we seek closeness, navigate conflict, and experience connection.
I offer couples therapy in Pasadena and online throughout California using an attachment-based, trauma-informed approach informed by Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). EFT helps couples recognize the recurring patterns that create distance between them and better understand the emotions and attachment needs beneath those patterns.
Often, couples become caught in a cycle where one partner pursues connection through questions, criticism, or repeated attempts to talk, while the other withdraws, becomes defensive, or shuts down. Both partners may be trying to protect themselves or the relationship, yet their responses can unintentionally reinforce the very disconnection they're hoping to resolve.
In our work together, we begin by slowing down these interactions and exploring what happens beneath the surface. Anger may be protecting hurt. Withdrawal may be an attempt to manage overwhelm. A need for reassurance may reflect a deeper fear of losing connection. As these experiences become easier to recognize and share, new possibilities for understanding and responding to one another can emerge.
My approach also draws from somatic and trauma-informed therapy, recognizing that conflict and vulnerability are experienced not only emotionally but physically. You might notice tension, racing thoughts, a desire to shut down, or difficulty finding words when conversations become overwhelming. By paying attention to these responses, we can develop greater awareness of what each partner needs to remain present and engaged.
We also make space for the larger contexts that shape your relationship, including family histories, cultural expectations, identity, past experiences, and the ways each of you learned what love and partnership are supposed to look like.
Our work is collaborative, compassionate, and non-blaming. I don't see either partner as the problem. Instead, we work to understand the patterns that have developed between you and explore new ways of responding to one another with greater openness, care, and understanding.
The goal isn't to eliminate every disagreement or become perfectly attuned to each other. It's to build a relationship where differences can be navigated with greater care, difficult emotions can be shared more safely, and both partners have more room to feel seen, valued, and connected.
Making room for connection
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Making room for connection ✹
How Couples Therapy Can Help
Even loving relationships can move through periods of disconnection, uncertainty, and change. You may find yourselves:
Having the same arguments over and over, without feeling any closer to resolving them
Feeling unheard, misunderstood, criticized, or emotionally distant from one another
Getting caught in a pattern where one partner reaches for connection while the other pulls away
Struggling to communicate needs, express vulnerability, or navigate difficult conversations
Experiencing differences in sexual desire, physical affection, or emotional intimacy
Finding that past trauma or earlier relationship experiences affect trust, closeness, or feelings of safety
Feeling defensive, overwhelmed, or shut down when conflict arises
Struggling to repair after disagreements or reconnect after periods of distance
Navigating major life transitions, changing roles, or differences in expectations for the future
Wanting to deepen your connection and understand each other more fully, even if your relationship isn't in crisis
These experiences don't necessarily mean something is wrong with your relationship. Often, they reflect patterns that have developed as each of you tries to navigate your own needs, vulnerabilities, and hopes for connection. Couples therapy offers a space to understand these patterns together and create more room for trust, intimacy, and meaningful connection.
FAQS
Couples often begin therapy with questions about what the process will look like, whether both partners will feel heard, and how therapy might help when familiar patterns have become difficult to change. These FAQs offer a clearer sense of what to expect.
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You don't need to be in crisis to benefit from couples therapy. Some couples seek support because they're having frequent arguments, feeling emotionally disconnected, or struggling with intimacy. Others want to strengthen an already loving relationship, navigate a transition, or better understand each other.
If you're noticing patterns that feel difficult to shift on your own, couples therapy can offer a supportive space to explore what's happening and what you both need.
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Emotionally Focused Therapy is an evidence-based approach to couples therapy grounded in attachment theory. It focuses on helping partners understand the emotional patterns that contribute to conflict and disconnection.
Rather than focusing only on communication techniques or problem-solving, EFT explores the deeper feelings, fears, and needs that shape how partners respond to each other. The goal is to help couples create more secure emotional bonds and new experiences of connection.
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My role is not to determine who is right or wrong, or to decide which partner needs to change. I work to understand each person's experience while paying attention to the patterns that develop between you.
Both partners deserve to feel heard and respected. At times, I may gently interrupt an interaction or draw attention to something happening in the room, but the intention is to help you understand each other more fully rather than assign blame. Maintaining a balanced approach doesn't mean overlooking harmful or unsafe behavior.
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It's common for partners to arrive with different levels of comfort, hope, or uncertainty about therapy. One person may have been asking to come for some time, while the other feels hesitant or unsure what to expect.
There's room for both experiences. We can begin by exploring what each of you hopes for, what concerns you may have, and what would help the process feel collaborative and worthwhile.
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Yes. Emotional and physical intimacy are often closely connected, and differences in desire, affection, or comfort with vulnerability can become sources of misunderstanding or hurt.
We can explore how emotional safety, attachment experiences, communication, and relationship patterns influence intimacy. The goal is not to pressure either partner into greater physical closeness, but to develop more understanding, choice, and connection around each person's needs and experiences.
When concerns would benefit from specialized sex therapy or medical support, we can also discuss appropriate referrals.
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Yes. Earlier experiences of trauma, emotional neglect, or difficult relationships can influence how we experience trust, vulnerability, conflict, and intimacy with a partner.
A trauma-informed approach recognizes that responses such as withdrawal, defensiveness, heightened sensitivity, or difficulty feeling safe may have developed for understandable reasons.
Together, we can explore how these experiences show up in your relationship while respecting each partner's boundaries and readiness. Couples therapy doesn't require either person to disclose or process traumatic experiences before they feel ready.
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Our first session is an opportunity to get to know you, understand your relationship history, and hear what brings each of you to therapy.
We'll explore your concerns, the strengths of your relationship, and what each of you hopes might feel different. I'll also begin learning about the patterns that emerge when you're feeling disconnected or struggling to understand each other.
The beginning of therapy is a collaborative assessment process. Depending on your needs, this may include individual meetings with each partner before continuing our work together. I'll explain the process, confidentiality considerations, and expectations for couples therapy as we begin.
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Some couples begin therapy feeling uncertain about the future of their relationship. There may be love and care alongside hurt, exhaustion, or questions about whether the relationship can meet both partners' needs.
We can make space to explore these feelings without rushing toward a particular outcome. If your primary goal is deciding whether to continue the relationship, we can discuss whether couples therapy or a more specialized discernment counseling approach would be most appropriate.
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There isn't a single timeline that works for every couple. The length of therapy depends on your goals, the patterns you're working through, and the experiences each partner brings into the relationship.
Some couples come with a specific concern, while others want more time to explore longstanding patterns or rebuild emotional connection. We'll regularly check in about your goals and how the process is feeling for both of you.
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Yes. I offer in-person couples therapy in Pasadena, California, as well as virtual sessions for couples located throughout California.
Online couples therapy can be a supportive and flexible option, particularly for partners navigating busy schedules or who prefer meeting from their own space.
